24 March 2023

Working through self limiting beliefs

What we believe has the power to influence every decision we make and perception we have. Beliefs are our certainties.

Our mindset greatly influences the quality of our life, and what we believe has the power to influence every decision we make and perception we have. Beliefs are our certainties. We hold onto them and feel threatened if someone challenges them, but they are often based on subjective experiences or personal trauma. When we hold onto limiting beliefs, we don’t allow ourselves to reach our greatest potential. We stay in a dead-end job, we put up with an unfulfilling relationship and we settle for less than we could achieve across all areas in life. Unpacking the belief systems that are holding us back is the first step in growing our self worth and creating the life we truly desire. If we don’t, we risk never showing up as our authentic selves or the leaders we are capable of being.

What is a limiting belief
Limiting beliefs are what we perceive as a reliable truth that tends to have a negative impact on us. This could lead to negative emotions and feelings such as a lack of self worth, guilt, shame, doubt and fear. These limiting beliefs present themselves and hold us back from living life to our full potential. Do your beliefs support your dreams or block you from them? The excuses we tell ourselves as to why we couldn’t or shouldn’t have something are often deeply rooted in a negative experience we once had. They are part of our ego trying to protect ourselves from experiencing more pain or anguish. But we can never really progress unless we move past them. A coach allows us to delve deep into our psyche and ascertain whether what we believe about ourselves supports us, or is even true.

Negative self talk
Most of us have an internal ‘narrator’ who provides an ongoing, running commentary about our life. Often this internal monologue can be our biggest critic. This voice may berate us, tell us we are not enough or that we can’t have what we want. Often it has been created by the story we tell ourselves about the world and our role in it. The voice typically has been informed by other people’s views of us that we learnt in our early years, especially our parents. This running commentary can manifest an inner world that doesn’t match up with who we are. It doesn’t take into account how much we have developed and grown throughout the years. Are you your biggest supporter, or critic? Observe the way you speak to yourself throughout the day. Does it need to change? Would you talk to a friend like that? These are all questions that a coach can delve into. Imagine if your internal voice was your best friend and biggest cheerleader. That constant uplifting energy will make big changes in your world.

Stories we tell ourselves
Our excuses can stem from past experiences that we latch onto and identify with. But are these still relevant? It’s important to re-evaluate whether these beliefs have any weight to them. Everyone makes mistakes in life, but they are merely learning opportunities and stepping stones to wisdom. Should we define ourselves by our past failures or success? The truth is both are important and should be seen as opportunities to transform. Shifting our paradigm is incredibly important in seeing ourselves as someone who has limitless potential.

Those around us
The people we surround ourselves with have a great influence on us. They can affect everything from our energy to the activities we partake in and our general outlook on life. If we grew up in a family of high achievers, chances are we will feel a high pressure to do great things and have an inner drive. This will be our barometer of success. If our friends love to travel and explore new cultures, then we, too, will seek out experiences that enrich our lives. Every now and again it’s important to reassess our connections. Which direction do we want to go in? Do the people we spend time with reflect this? The impact our friends and family have on our lives is huge. Sometimes we feel stuck and miserable only because those around us are talking and acting in the same way. Seek out those who inspire you. Energy is contagious, our connections should uplift us and set alight a fire within us!

Recognise that beliefs are not facts
Beliefs are always subjective. They differ from person to person and we can change them according to our own personal needs. If they are not serving us and our best self, then it’s time to reconfigure the paradigm. Often facts alone cannot shake someone’s long held opinion. That’s where coaching can help us move past the deep-rooted blocks we have unknowingly created for ourselves.

Challenge your beliefs
Approaching life with a curious mindset is a positive way to live. By applying the same to our beliefs, we can ensure we are continuously growing. Questioning them can uncover revelations within ourselves, especially when we realise that a current belief is no longer serving us and it’s time to find a new one! We may ask ourselves what this belief is grounded in. Did we always think this way, and if not, what changed this? Is there evidence to counteract this belief?

What are the consequences?
Our self worth and self love are on the line when we don’t challenge our thinking. Nothing changes on the outside if we haven’t done the inner work. By analysing our inner voice we can ask ourselves, is this belief damaging? If we continue this way, then where will we be in five years? Often looking towards the future can be a big wake up call. The time to change is NOW.

Written by TNM Coaching


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