The Feeling of Success
Now that you have your success vision and statement, you want to access the very core: the feeling of success.
Everyone knows how it feels to be successful; we've all had that experience. Let that feeling serve as a guide or measure to give you an indication how close or far you are you from your vision of success. The feeling is recognizable. For most people it feels like fulfillment, a sensation of being whole and complete, like nothing is missing, a feeling of complete freedom. I'm not talking here about your ego's reaction to a job well done or praise; there's a big difference between emotion and what I'm describing as the feeling of success. Think more here of Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi's concept of Flow. The key to accelerate your success is to experience those feelings as often as possible.
In our daily lives, instead of harnessing our feelings, we try to ignore them. We're trained to control the way we feel, to condition to way we feel, not to express the way we feel, not to be truthful, to hide and cover up the way we feel. Being in touch with our feelings can even be seen as a weakness. How often have you hared: "Oh, she's too emotional." or " You need to learn how to control your feelings." or " Keep your feelings to yourself." or " This is not a time or place to express how you feel." These statements disconnect us from the way we perceive the world and ourselves. This conditioning goes deep. My mission here is to help you to build a renewed relationship with your feelings and understand that the key to success in life is to be able to express them freely.
Let's clarify a bit more the important distinction between Feeling and Emotion:
When you say: I feel happy, angry, mad, said, excited, glad, lazy, pride, greedy, bad, lonely, jealous, respectful, guilty, ashamed you express emotion. You are expressing your reaction towards something. Those are temporary. Emotion is reaction and the feeling is awareness.
When you say: I feel joy, bliss, at peace, serenity, openness, connection, I feel worry, uncertainty, insecurity, incapability, not connected. You are describing your awareness of a situation, person or an event. It is much deeper than emotion. You need to dive inside to find the feeling behind the emotion.
So if you define your feeling of success with an emotion you are labeling it with temporary sensation that you will experience in the moment of success. You are not defining the ongoing experience that is the core or the essence that you seek.
Therefore if I ask you, "So how would you feel once when your success statement shaped your life and your success story manifested itself?" If you answer "I would feel happy." I would reply " Not good enough!" When you experience happiness what is the feeling underneath happiness? What is the feeling that grows happiness? Look inside, pause and feel that feeling!
The reason most of us feel blocked to work with feelings is that we collapse them with emotion. Your job is to step out of that confusion, to recognize emotion and see it for what it is - a mood that changes and you need to recognize feeling and see it for what it is - useful insight into how you perceive things.
Now your journey is to access the feeling of success and the easiest way to enter is to realize your emotions related to success and than to look for and trace the feeling that is a real foundation of that success.
So here's your next assignment:
Train yourself. Every day begin to notice the difference between your emotional reactions and the feelings or perceptions beneath them. You may want to keep a journal, you may want to simply pause and notice to yourself when feelings and emotions arise and how they are distinct from one another.
Here's a True Story:
A client said: "I am working hard and struggling with a project for two years now. I need to do something so I can complete whatever needs to be done and have success with it!"
Johan is a self employed professional I worked with over the course of one year. He was thirty years old and at that time had a wife and three young children. In his eyes he was a "sort of" successful guy, but not incredibly happy with his projects and professional practice and he decided to work with me in order to discover the reason for his constant struggle. He also wanted us to accelerate project progress, to accomplish desired outcomes and to have success.
Our playful coaching conversations revealed that his income depended on the success of this particular project that he was constantly under pressure to promote, push and seduce his team to rush, overdeliver and produce much more than realistic in the given time frame. He was driven by adrenaline; this is a powerful energy source but it made him feel physically tired and drained.
My first goal, before we got to the bottom line of project success, was to shift him from adrenaline to reserve. In John's case, this meant getting new profit centers and new avenues of income not linking his paychecks to completing this project. He needed to shift from a space of possibility, "When this project is done and I sell it to XYZ company I will pay my bills, I will get new clothes, I will take my wife for dinner, I will have money to travel around the world." to a space of reality: "What do I need to do today to generate income?"
I coached him to create 3 major streams of income.
He began to add and maintain a high reserve of clients and sales opportunities, 10-100% more than he estimated necessary to reach his monthly income target. I gave him the tools and language he needed to sell his service and he quickly learned to simply articulate the features, benefits and value.
Johan also become and expert in problems faced by his market and has provided service to his clients/prospects vs just selling. He called his most loyal clients and asked what they were most interested in learning about their needs and what is service would help them quickly get what they need. He moved from selling based on his projections of what was needed to selling based on listening and understating what was needed by his clients. Response was tremendous! This attraction based action focused on adding value, responding to client's needs, learning form existing clients, propelling his sales.
The continuous and consistent act of creating income and maintaining a reserve has shifted him to a place where he is fully present without worry, concern and attachment to the completion of the project. He has increased his sense of ease.
Now experiencing more money, time, peace of mind and feeling more relaxed he asked: "Now how can I get this project to completion without pushing, seducing and stressing my associates?" We worked on a project success statement and project success story. I didn't feel that was enough. Somehow I felt we needed to do more.
I responded: "Having a your success statement and your success story might push your project to completion but what is missing is energy to pull this project to its final stages. You have developed a belief, a confidence on the inside by working on our success mentally and now you need to move in to relying on your feelings in order to generate a pull of energy necessary for you to experience the miracle of manifestation effortlessly. Your team experiences your anxiety, worry, desperation and dependency and attachment to the outcome, on a daily basis. Even though you put on your happy face they know what is behind it.
Sometimes they may feel heavy or uninspired to work on tasks without "specific reason." This is because you have brought pressure and stress and we all resist those. Positive emotion and positive feeling especially in creative process activate people. We all love to feel expansion or limitlessness. Your are the leader, you are the visionary behind the project and I want you to feel this feelings first in order to model what is possible and lead from that level.
So let me ask you this, "When this project is completed how would you feel?"
"I don't know."
"OK. Now close your eyes, breathe in and out and relax. When you complete this project what would you feel?"
"I would feel extremely happy!"
"Ok well, when you feel extremely happy what is the feeling underneath the happiness?"
"Hmm, I don't know."
"Let's explore a bit: reconnect with your success statement and remember your success story and let us discover from there."
"If you were to be an active player in success story of this project how would you fee once when project is completed?"
"I would feel abundant, strong, accomplished; confident I would feel that I have completed something important."
"OK super, when you feel that you have completed something important what is behind that feeling?"
"Hmm behind is a feeling joy of giving it is like lightness. Yes I can connect to it now, I would feel that my mission is accomplished, I would feel realization and freedom."
"That is it, Johan! Congratulations you have done it! That is the feeling of success linked to this project."
Now in order to bring this project to completion you need to start using Joy of Giving - Lightness as a vital feeling. That is the driving energy behind your project. This is your real work at this stage: You need to bring the feeling that you would have then, when the project is done, in to now. You need to live in that feeling now. That feeling is what would have an impact what would touch people involved in project, that feeling is what would emanate out and insure achievement, that feeling is what will organically pull this project into completion. You know that feeling and you have felt it many times so this is easy. In order to accelerate this project, stay in that feeling all the time. Watch your thoughts. If you have any negative thoughts like, "I am never gong to success with this." stop and ask yourself: "OK, How would I feel once what this is done?" "I would feel joy of giving- lightness!!!" And then bring that feeling back up.
"A-HA. I got it! Let's Play!" exclaimed Johan.